


Fix You

by AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Kissing at Midnight, New Year's Kiss, Prepare your feels, The prompt came up on the Discord and I just had to do it, Wanted a fluffy piece and angst came out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 06:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard/pseuds/AvaHasAClosetMurderBoard
Summary: Prompt: New Year's KissThe beginning of something special on a cold night, when the Doctor is wearing her hearts on her sleeve.





	Fix You

“I was wondering where you'd disappeared to. It's almost midnight.”

 

The familiar voice jolted the Doctor out of her thoughts. She hastily wiped the tears that were streaming down her face and hoped that Yasmin wouldn't notice; or at least that she wouldn't ask about it. But of course she would. Out of her companions, Yaz was the one who knew her better. Every slight crack on her voice, every micro expression, every glassy gaze... She could read her like an open book. And that was honestly terrifying at times, especially when things weren't going as planned or when the Doctor was having one of those private moments when she just needed to let things out.

 

Like now.

 

The party was... lively. Just the Tardis team and Yasmin's family on their flat, drinking and eating and chatting away waiting for midnight to celebrate the New Year. Together. There were different types of biscuits and cakes, puddings and other sweets all on different surfaces, both in the kitchen and living room; also different bottles of bubbly colourful drinks, wine and champagne. There was no doubt Najia and Hakim had went all out to make sure everyone had something they liked. There were no decorations hanging on the walls or the ceiling but that made it no less of a party.

 

Her gang really wanted to spend New Years's on Earth and they were really happy when they'd managed to get her to tag along.

 

At first, the idea was just for the four of them to gather at Graham and Ryan's house and have a quiet evening in. But when Yaz went home to change into something a bit nicer than a pair of muddy jeans (she had tripped on a rock and fallen on grassy, still wet from rain, ground when she had been staring at the Doctor), her parents had all but made her invite her friends to join them. Especially the Doctor.

 

So the Time Lord had found herself surrounded by warmth and laughter (and nice pastries). Yaz's mum had kept making remarks about the both of them being _close_ , much to her daughter's chagrin and the Doctor's feigned confusion. The blonde woman was well aware just how close she had gotten with her companion but wasn't ready to admit it. Yasmin was obviously head over heels and the Time Lord felt guilty for partially stringing her along. It would never work.

 

After an hour or so of sitting _so close_ to Yaz on the couch, her warmth a constant reminder of what she wanted but shouldn't have, The Doctor had hastily excused herself to use the restroom.

 

She took a deep breath and splashed some cold water on her face before she caught sight of her reflection against the mirror. Something akin of disgust rose on her throat and she struggled to push it down. Why had she even allowed for things to get this far in the first place? _'Because you wanted to',_ a voice in her head chimed in, _'you wanted Yasmin Khan to love you'._

 

_'And now she does',_ she added bitterly, _'and a part of me is happy about it.'_

 

When the Doctor stepped into the living room again, still struggling with her inner thoughts, no one seemed to noticed she was back. Everyone stood by the large window (well everyone but Sonya, who seemed to be more interested on her mobile phone), watching the occasional firework light up the sky. And even though most of them were complaining it was too earlier for it, their eyes remained glued to the bright sky.

 

She took that as an opportunity to quickly sneak out through the front door, managing to open and close it without drawing attention. Once in the hall, she made a split second decision to run towards the service stairs, climbing them all the way to the rooftop.

 

The Doctor pushed the door open, a blast of cold air hitting her as the first tear made its way down her left cheek. The door slammed shut. Her breath was heavy, legs nearly giving out; she only managed a few steps before she all but collapsed on her knees. Her mind was swirling with emotions, most of them screaming to just get inside the Tardis and leave for good. But she couldn't leave her fam, her gang, her team. She couldn't leave _her._

 

The Time Lord drew her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. She looked up, as if searching for clarity in the night sky; but with all the bright lights occasionally exploding in a sea of colours it was impossible to see the stars.

 

As if the universe was denying her of the answers she so desperately needed.

 

Her vision blurred and she let the dam break, finally allowing herself that moment of weakness now that she was alone.

 

And that's how Yasmin had found her.

 

She wasn't even sure how long had passed but the _bangs_ of the fireworks had gotten louder and slightly more frequent. The older woman nearly missed the quiet steps coming closer and stopping nearby, not too close nor too far. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her hearts and her breathing and braced herself for the inevitable conversation. The Doctor wouldn't hide, not now that they were alone on the rooftop and she had no place to run to.

 

“Are you alright, Doctor?” Her voice sounded small and unsure, making the older woman's hearts twist. “I checked the flat and you were suddenly gone. We thought- I thought you'd left for good.”

 

“I wouldn't do that to you guys. To you. Wouldn't be fair.” The Doctor's voice was hoarse so she cleaned her throat. “I just needed some fresh air.”

 

Understanding seemed to dawn on Yasmin. “I'm sorry, we should have gone over to Graham's instead of mine. This may have been too much for you, with my mum and the rest asking all this questions.”

 

She shook her head. “It's alright, Yaz, no need to be sorry. I just had a lot on my mind. Still do. Just... Give me a minute and I'll go back to the flat.”

 

“Do you... want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps to see things clearer.” She added quickly. “But only if you want to. Otherwise I can just leave you be if you need some space.”

 

The words came tumbling down her mouth before she even had the time to register it. “No, stay. Please.”

 

Yasmin took that as permission to approach the Doctor and sat down, wincing slightly when she felt just how cold the floor actually was through her clothes. She kept her eye on the night sky, absently starting to rub at her arms and cursing herself internally for forgetting her jacket. There was some shuffling around next to her, but before she could even begin to wonder what was happening, something warm was placed over her shoulders.

 

The Doctor's jacket.

 

Yaz opened her mouth to complain about the gesture but the words died in her throat the moment she noticed the Doctor's sad smile, her wet cheeks and her puffy red eyes.

 

She had been crying.

 

The realization hit Yasmin like a ton of bricks. All this time they had travelled together, she had never seen the Time Lord like this. She was the strongest of the group, always keeping it together, always offering an encouraging word when someone was down. Seeing her like this... It felt like they all had failed the Doctor. She had failed her.

 

Her own tears threatened to fall now. How had she missed it? She always prodded herself in being able to read the older woman like a book; but tonight she had been so wrapped up trying to keep her mum's intrusive questions at bay that she had failed to notice something was off. She averted her gaze, lip quivering. She felt so selfish.

 

A surprisingly warm hand cupped her cheek, gently forcing their eyes to meet again. The Doctor's thumb gently stroke her skin as she spoke. “It's not your fault, Yaz. It's me. I should have been honest with myself.” She paused for a moment. “With you.”

 

The Time Lord moved a bit closer, hand still on Yaz's cheek. “I've been... Having this thoughts. At first I ignored them; I pushed them to a corner on my mind. But they grew, with time. Until they became too big to ignore. But I couldn't say anything, you know? Would be selfish of me.”

 

“Why would it be selfish for you to tell me that you've been sad? You're always making me feel better when things don't go right. You should let me do the same for you; we're mates after all.”

 

She let out a breath. No turning back now. “Oh my sweet Yaz... It's just selfish of me to love you as much as I do.”

 

And just like that all the walls she had crafted over the years came crashing down, leaving her raw and exposed to the younger woman. She watched brown eyes go wide with realization. A twinge of fear and panic rushed through her for a moment; but when Yasmin made no move to shy from her touch, relief washed over her. And she knew. She just knew, then and there that this what both of them wanted.

 

Faint voices started to chant as they counted the seconds until midnight. The Doctor too, started to count along in her mind as she inched closer, their faces so close now she could feel every warm exhale tickling her lips.

 

The voices got louder and just like that, shouts and laughs erupted all around them as midnight finally hit. And at the same exact moment, the Doctor closed the gap between them and kissed Yaz gently.

 

An explosion of colour turned the night almost into day; bright golds and silvers, then reds and greens. The constant _bangs_ did nothing to discourage the two women, who were now too wrapped on each other to even care about their surroundings.

 

The kiss eventually broke when the lack of air became too much. Their eyes met and they smiled at each other, before leaning their foreheads together, fingers intertwined.

 

“Happy New Year, Doctor.”

 

“Happy New Year, Yaz.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> "And high up above or down below  
> When you're too in love to let it go  
> But if you never try you'll never know  
> Just what you're worth"
> 
> Coldplay - Fix You


End file.
